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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30096579">Baby Talk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstronomerAlways/pseuds/AstronomerAlways'>AstronomerAlways</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Recess (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>I also headcanon TJ being Jewish, M/M, Mostly Dialogue, New parent anxiety, Pre Child talk, When I learned I wasn't the only one BOI, just working through the topics</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:21:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30096579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstronomerAlways/pseuds/AstronomerAlways</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So they decided to make the jump and join their friends in parenthood. But there's a few things they had to consider first.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>King Bob/T. J. Detweiler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Baby Talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, the two of you decided to have kids. Congratulations!”</p><p>Given their large backyard, Robert and TJ’s mansion was the optimal place to have barbeques and still have enough space for all the kids to play around without being underfoot. It was nice taking a weekend just to get together and forget about the stress of adulthood for a while.</p><p>“Yep. It didn’t take much talking but we’re both really excited,” said TJ. He brought more food out to be put on the grill as Vince stood in front of it, cooking. “There’s so much to sort through though.”</p><p>“But it’s going to happen. One way or another,” Robert said. He helped himself to another beer from the cooler.</p><p>“Are you two hoping for a boy or a girl?” Vince asked.</p><p>“I don’t have a preference; I just want a baby,” said TJ.</p><p>“I mean, I’d prefer a boy, but it’s nothing I’m gung ho about,” Robert said.</p><p>“Well, for your sake, I hope it’s a boy, TJ,” Spinelli said.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“No offense or anything, but if the two of you have a girl, she’s going to have you wrapped around her finger,” she said. “You’re much easier on the girls than you are on the boys.”</p><p>“What? No I’m not.” TJ scoffed. “I treat them the same.”</p><p>“You kind of don’t,” said Vince. “I don’t think you’re doing it on purpose or anything, but when you’re babysitting them, the punishments are easer on the girls.”</p><p>“If you two have a girl she’ll be ‘daddy’s little princess’, <em>easily</em>,” Spinelli insisted.</p><p>“So what, we should aim to never have a girl?”</p><p>“No, but you should know that you have a bit of a favoritism thing with them and not treat them differently,” said Spinelli. “Growing up in a house with a sibling being the favorite <em>sucks</em>.”</p><p>“I know not to show favoritism, Spin. But thanks, I’ll take the advice.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.”</p><p>“I take it you two are going to take advantage of the private schools nearby,” Gretchen said.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>The two of them paused, looking at each other when they gave different answers.</p><p>“What do you mean ‘no’?” Robert asked. “Why wouldn’t we send our kids to best school?”</p><p>“It’s not about that. I don’t want our kids to go somewhere surrounded by the same types of people, growing up to think they’re better than everyone,” said TJ. “Going to school with nothing but other rich kids is going to do that!”</p><p>“So they should get a subpar education because of that?”</p><p>“God, no, Robert. We had a pretty good education, didn’t we? And we didn’t go to private schools,” TJ argued. “If that’s your concern, we can get tutors!”</p><p>“Or we can send them to a school with the best teachers in the first place.”</p><p>“Sounds like you two have a lot of things to discuss,” said Gretchen.</p><p>“Yeah, we do.”</p><p>ZZZ</p><p>With plenty of mouths to feed, most of the leftover food was wrapped up on paper plates and taken home, making clean up easy. After the kitchen was spotless, Robert and TJ settled on the couch with the TV on, though they weren’t paying it much attention.</p><p>“I understand what you’re saying Robert, but I don’t want to end up raising a much of stuck up, spoiled brats who know nothing outside of the world of rich people,” TJ said. “Can you understand where I’m coming from?”</p><p>“I do. I really do, babe. But I feel like it’s easier to keep that from happening than to counter the effects of not getting the best education they can,” said Robert.</p><p>“Do you think we got a bad education back at third street?”</p><p>“No—”</p><p>“Then what’s the problem with them just going to the best public school?” TJ argued.</p><p>“If you’re this upset about me saying they should go to a private school you’re going to flip shit when I tell you I thought about boarding school—”</p><p>“<em>BOARDING SCHOOL?</em> No! No fucking way, Robert!” TJ pulled out of Robert’s hold.  “We’re not shipping them off to a boarding school for most of the year! And what if they want to go to summer camps? We’d barely see them! What’s the point of having kids if we just ship them away for most of their childhood?”</p><p>“I said I <em>thought</em> about it, not that I wanted to do it, geez!” Robert snaked his hands around TJ’s waist and pulled him back into their cuddling position on the couch. “I don’t want to ship them off either. If the school thing is this important to you, then fine, they’ll go to public school. But it’s going to be the best public school in town, even if I have to pump money into it to make it that way. But promise me something.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“If we get a kid whos, I dunno, extremely gifted, and the school isn’t challenging enough for them, that you’ll consider transferring them to a private school where they can get an adequate education. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay. Alright, fine, I can agree to that,” said TJ. “Wow, this is just one thing, we should talk about these sort of things.”</p><p>“It can wait until tomorrow, I’m tired after today.”</p><p>ZZZ</p><p>“How many?”</p><p>Robert looked up, coffee mug just reaching his lips before he could take a sip and continue eating his breakfast. TJ sat opposite of him, looking down at his phone.</p><p>“We’ve been talking like we’re going to have more than one kid,” he said. “So exactly how many are we talking about?”</p><p>“First thing in the morning, huh?”</p><p>“Sorry, I woke up early and found a list of things parents should talk about before having kids,” TJ said. “I take it we’re having more than one.”</p><p>Robert nodded. “I’d like more than one. Maybe three?”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“I was thinking more along. . .I don’t know. . .five maybe?”</p><p>“<em>Five?” </em>Robert almost choked on his coffee. “That’s a lot of kids.”</p><p>“I always wanted a big family. What about you?”</p><p>“Not really? I mean, I enjoyed having a sister, but I never wondered what things would be like if there were more of us,” Robert admitted. He took another sip of his coffee. “Can we agree on three, and see if we want any more afterwards?”</p><p>“. . .Fine. That’s reasonable, I guess,” said TJ. “But what if we get more than one at a time?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“We haven’t decided on surrogacy or adoption yet. What if we go with a surrogate and she ends up pregnant with twins? Or triplets? Or quadruplets? It’s not unheard of, especially if they need fertility treatment,” TJ asked. “What if we decide to adopt and find out the kid we want to do adopt is just one in a set of multiples? Or they have siblings?”</p><p>“Then we’ll keep them all and adopt their siblings, too. I’m not cruel, babe,” Robert said, rolling his eyes. “But the chances of that happening is pretty low, I think. Especially with a surrogate.”</p><p>“Low, but not impossible. But at least we have an answer for it,” he said. “Next question.”</p><p>“I can’t even finish my breakfast. . .”</p><p>“If we go with a surrogate, which one of us is going to be the sperm donor?”</p><p>“I always figured we’d just flip a coin and go back and forth between us after that.”</p><p>“Great, me too. Moving on. . .”</p><p>Robert was glad the two of them were free for the rest of the day. He had the feeling this was all TJ was going to talk about.</p><p>“What about religion?” TJ asked.</p><p>Robert shrugged. “I’m not that religious. I believe in God but I’m not going to church or anything.”</p><p>“I’m not that religious either but I’d still want them to know about their Jewish heritage,” TJ said. “That’s very important to me.”</p><p>“Since when were you Jewish?” Robert asked, stopping mid bite. TJ looked at him with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Since forever? Since I was born? How do you not know this?”</p><p>“You never told me!”</p><p>“<em>You went to my Bar Mitzvah, Robert,” </em>TJ nearly yelled. “I stepped on the wrapped up glass <em>at our wedding! </em>Did you forget or did you just think it was something weird I wanted to do that day?”</p><p>“Apparently I did because I don’t remember this!” Robert said. “You’re eating pork!”</p><p>TJ looked down at his plate. He did indeed make slices of cooked pork for breakfast, and it wasn’t the first time either.</p><p>“I said I wasn’t that religious.” He paused to take a bite. “Pork tastes good, alright?! Leave me alone.”</p><p>“What’s the next question?”</p><p>TJ rolled his eyes and picked up his plate. “Later. I need a break.” He stepped away from the table and headed to the sunroom. “I can’t believe you forgot I was Jewish. You can be so thick sometimes. . . .”</p><p>“I’m sorry! Geez.” Robert stabbed his eggs with his fork.</p><p>ZZZ</p><p>Robert spent most of the late morning not paying much attention to what he was doing, expecting TJ to come in at any moment and continue their discussion. Sitting on the living room couch doing some online shopping was a great way to spend his time, in his opinion.</p><p>“Robert!” TJ said and he came rushing in.</p><p>“Theodore!” Robert teased. “What’s going on?’</p><p>“We’re both male!”</p><p>“. . .Yes. We are,” Robert said. “Is this your first time realizing that?”</p><p>“What--? No, no, shut up for a minute that’s not what I meant,” TJ said. He joined Robert on the couch. “What would our kids call us? They can’t call us both ‘dad’, that’ll get confusing. Their lives are already going to hard enough with the endless dad jokes. One of us is gonna have to be ‘pops’ or ‘papa’ or some shit and I don’t know about you but those sound old and boring as fuck.”</p><p>“Can’t we just let the kid decide?” Robert asked. “It doesn’t matter to me.”</p><p>“<em>Maybe</em>. Just don’t be surprised when they end up calling you something ugly like those names when you had your chance to pick it out,” said TJ. Robert watched him adjust his position until he was upside down, with his legs on the backrest and his back on the seat.</p><p>“I have a question,” Robert said. “Would you like it if I hired a maid? To help around the house if we get a baby? I mean, with your watching this hypothetical baby, you’ll need some more help and a maid can help with the cleaning.”</p><p>“Just assuming I’ll be a stay at home dad, huh?” TJ said.</p><p>“I mean, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah, but you could’ve asked,” he mumbled. “Anyways, I don’t know if a maid is needed. We barely make a mess of the house as it is, I’m not sure how much more mess it’ll be with a baby before they learn to walk.”</p><p>“Right,” Robert nodded. “The offers still there, and I’m going to definitely helping, too, but it’s just in case we both get overwhelmed.”</p><p>“How far apart are we having them?” TJ asked. “Do we just have one and see when we’re ready for another, or do we stick to set plan?”</p><p>Robert shrugged. “It’s hard to stick with a set plan when it comes to kids, isn’t it? What do you think?”</p><p>“I think we should wait until it feels like we’re ready for another. I don’t want to rush them before we’re ready, either,” he said. “Let’s say we go with a surrogate.”</p><p>“Uh-huh.”</p><p>“Robert, are you going to name our first born son Robert Jr. and groom him to take over the business?” TJ asked.</p><p>“When you say it like that you make it sound bad.”</p><p>“Robert!”</p><p>“Okay, okay, I won’t! None of our kids have to take over the business if they don’t want to. At least one of them might be interested. . . .” Robert mumbled. “Sorry I want to keep the business in the family.”</p><p>“I understand, Robert. And given how many we want, one of them probably will be interested in taking over after you.” TJ patted his knee. “I just don’t want you to force it on them.”</p><p>“I won’t, I won’t. I’ll just, uh, bring them to work with me sometimes.”</p><p>TJ rolled his eyes, knowing that’s how far he was going to get with this.</p><p>ZZZ</p><p>With a mug full of hot coffee specifically how he liked it, Robert headed towards his office to get some emergency work done. Shouldn’t take more than an hour with the caffeine. Heading down the hall, he ran into TJ, who stood in the doorway of one of their many guest rooms.</p><p>“Heading to the office,” Robert said. “What’s the matter?”</p><p>“Which room do you think we should give to the kids?” TJ asked. “One of the guest rooms seems like the obvious choice, but they’re some of the smaller rooms we have. But then again, we might not want their rooms too close to ours, considering our <em>nightly activities.</em>”</p><p>“Right. I mean, we can make our room sound proof. It’ll give you an excuse to redecorate,” Robert offered.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s a good idea with a new baby. Kinda want to be able to hear them crying.”</p><p>“Then the baby can be in a room close to ours until they’re older and we can move them to another,” said Robert. “I doubt we’ll have the energy to fuck when dealing with a baby for the first year anyways.”</p><p>“That makes perfect sense, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that,” said TJ. “Thanks, Bobby.”</p><p>“No problem, babe. Now if you don’t mind, I have to take care of some business. See you in an hour.”</p><p>TJ nodded. Finding which rooms get designated to bedrooms for hypothetical kids was just one part. There was the possibility of a playroom for them, maybe a study room if they wanted. Would it be best if they had their own bathroom? It sure came in handy when he was kid. Did the closet size matter?</p><p>He rubbed his forehead. Robert was normally the one willing to spend money with no restraint but all these questions piling up made him want to just get a new mansion built exactly how he wanted just to avoid all this hassle.</p><p>“As if getting another house built isn’t a huge hassle in itself,” TJ mumbled. “I’m over thinking this. . .”</p><p>He closed the door. He needed something to clear his head.</p><p>--</p><p>“Babe, you’re going to make a hole in the floor,”</p><p>At some point TJ must’ve printed off a list of things to consider before having a kid or something and was going over it. Over and over and over again. Robert admired the dedication but even he thought this was a bit much.</p><p>“I just want to make sure. Did you know that painting a babies room yellow makes them cry more? That’s one color we can’t paint the room,” TJ said. “And I picked out all the rooms that the sun hits during sunrise; I figured that it’s be best if we didn’t put a baby in a room the sun beams into first thing in the morning. And I—”</p><p>“Don’t you think you’re overthinking this?” Robert asked. “We haven’t even started on the first steps to having a baby and you’re already coordinating their room layout, what baby clothes to buy, and whether or not we make homemade baby food or go with store bought.”</p><p>“I just want to be ready.”</p><p>“And we will be. But we have to have a baby to get ready for first,” said Robert. “There’s going to be tons of things we’re going to run into that we haven’t talked about in the last few days. But we can handle it, okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” TJ said. He looked at the clipboard he held, and all the information he printed off. “I never thought I’d be one of those overprotective, micromanaging types of parents. I wasn’t raised like that. I’ve seen videos my parents recorded of me, I fall off the couch in half of them.”</p><p>“And you turned out just fine,” Robert said. “Besides, babies and kids, they’re pretty durable.”</p><p>“Right.” TJ tossed the clipboard aside. “What was I thinking?”</p><p>“You were thinking like most new parents,” said Robert. “Trying to do everything perfect because they don’t have a reference to go of off. Usually that wears off after the first kid.”</p><p>“That only leaves one question, then.” TJ joined Robert on the loveseat. “When?”</p><p>“Oh, that IS a question that should be answered,” he said. “With all this talk about it over the last few days, I think now would be a good time. We still need to pick if we should go for adoption or surrogacy, but I think it’s safe to say we’re on track to having some kids.”</p><p>“I’m glad.” Robert smiled as TJ laid his head on his shoulder. “But now I’m going to indulge on the more fun part, like names. Because I have a few in mind. . . “</p>
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